kenny and i?
well, its sad to kinda admit but it is true..
WE’VE BEEN BETTER. and i know we will be, in time!
its been really rough on us, well, at least on me.
i dont really know whats going on in his head or in his heart to say the least but i know things werent they way it was.
i know people would just say that “people change luh”
but i feel this little gap, a tiny distance come and attack me from behind like just overnight.
its truly horrid to feel this way.
i bet jen would be screaming from heaven “ITS A TINY GAP!!!”
but selfish me? i wanna be with kenny. i dont want a fuckng gap.
u hear me, little gap?
I DONT FUCKING WANT YOU!
ure messing me up. hmph!
recently, its really been all about him and his fish.
he doesnt like hold me like he used to or randomly kiss me or wanna take me every single where he goes.
its been more like, u are u and i am me kinda thingy.
it sucks.
im kinda trying to save money now for the things we want to buy whenever we go out.
its frustrating to always see s wanting to buy something on the spot and go home frowny cause we dont have the money or enough of it to get it.
but then again, im finding it harder to save!
weve been eating out, buying 7eleven and going to sheng shiong. not forgetting, doing our tanks.
i want our all our anniversaries to be special and memorable, but i dont really think he sees it this way ):
im guessing he sees it more like “im already with u, so yea!”
the only thing that has made me upset through this year has been countable. so thats good.
the problems, the quarrells..
but the thing that kinda really hurt me the most was when we didnt manage to celebrate my birthday.
i mean, noone did, noone remembered ):
and its not like he forgot or anything.
we just didnt celebrate it or buy a cake or go shopping or get presents and he didnt wish me when it turned 12-strucked midnight until i asked him..
i was really looking forward to my first birthday celebration with kenny, just seems like it was a one-way thought.
sometimes, he really does and says things (maybe unknowingly) that really hurts me.
and it often makes me wonder if he still feels for me the way he used to or the way he sayd it out to be..
alex told me before, sometimes its not that he doesnt love u.
its just that sometimes some people just dont feel like loving anyone at that particular moment or time, and it really doesnt mean he doesnt love u.
kenny and i exchange our i love yous everyday at least once.
im just hoping that one thing doesnt change..
when we first met, kenny told me this: “i dont say i love u until the time that i know i do” and he didnt until about 2 months after we got together.
he used to remind me that “i love u” is not just words nor just phrases. it means something and it has to be true.
i just pray to jen, god and my lucky stars that it hasnt changed and that he still says it cause he means it (:
i know ken is really handicapped at expressing himself, but maybe..
i just feel like this relationship isnt really like how it used to be (now with that little gap) and all.
maybe the gap is there just cause hes bad at expressing himself and i feel the lack of expression of how he feels? im just assuming luh.
i want my baby kenny back; like the way we used to be.
i really miss him and all i can hold on now is to babytaz and pray that kenken will learn to my more love-expressive or just the way he always used to make he feel truly loved.
but no matter what? i love my kenny ng cheng wei ((:
